Why Will Power Wont Cut it

By MONICA radu, march 12, 2019

As women we often have a difficult relationship with food. From a very young age we are subjected to well intended comments about what we eat such as "A minute on the lips, forever on the hips" OR "Too much of that will make you fat". We are then programmed to categorize foods as good, or bad. We are being "good" of we don't eat the bad foods, and we are being "bad" if we eat the bad foods. Oh, have you ever heard the term "cheat meal" - ya, thats another label we hate. We then, without consent, enter the vicious cycle of deprive, shame, guilt and even binge. Sound familiar? Even just a bit? 

Coach Monica shares why this doesn't work and what you can do to break free.

The Restriction Pattern

When it comes to wanting to be healthier or lose weight, one of the first things that many of us are quick to do is start listing all of the foods or even entire food groups that we vow to stop eating…
 

“No more carbs, no more fats, no more sugar, no more bread, no more pizza…” I can go on for a while here but you get the idea.
 

Restriction like this almost always inevitably leads to a binge. We get tired, hungry, and frustrated and give in to what we have allowed to control us. This is usually followed up with guilt and shame and then we start this cycle all over again, determined to be stronger this time. 

Before I get into what I believe to be a better method of getting healthier and feeling better, I just want to touch on why it is so hard to stick to these restrictive guidelines and how it isn’t your fault or lack of control or will power.

Why Will Power Won’t Cut It?

Food becomes more desirable when we label it as bad – it’s the classic story of the forbidden fruit. Knowing we can’t have something usually leaves us obsessing over it or at least thinking about it WAY too much. Have you ever said you wouldn’t eat something and then never thought about it after that?

Our brains light up when we are around the restricted foods. We experience higher pleasure/reward from it and have much more intense cravings for the foods than those who are not following any restrictions or diets.

In addition to that, when we try to avoid one thing, we often will end up compensating by trying to settle that craving with something else – we end up overeating other things and we still didn’t even get what it was we wanted in the first place so we are left unsatisfied and frustrated!

So What Can We Try Instead?

Stop labelling food as good or bad. The minute we start labelling food as “bad” it becomes that forbidden fruit that we are depriving ourselves of and we know that never ends well.

“But if I allow myself to eat whatever I want, I’ll never stop!”

I get that, believe me! I have said those words myself! BUT if we allow ourselves to eat what we crave without always jumping on the guilt and restriction train, we will slowly start to relearn how to enjoy it without feeling out of control around it. When we allow ourselves to eat what we crave, the food becomes normalized and we lose that desire to overindulge. We won’t have the same urges to completely overdo it because we know if we want it again later, we can have it!

It is like getting a new car and being told you can only drive it once a month. You are going to think about it and look forward to driving it all day long and it will feel amazing and so exciting every time you do. But what if you got to drive that same car every single day? Would it still be as exciting and rewarding after a few months or a year?

Give yourself full permission to eat and ditch the side of guilt. You may be surprised to find that you don’t crave things with the same intensity and if you do, you can enjoy the food and stop eating when you feel you have had enough because you know it isn’t going anywhere!

Focus on adding foods to your plate rather than taking things away. This takes the focus off cutting things out and encourages you to add foods that will nourish your body while still eating in a way that is enjoyable and brings you pleasure (because YES, food is something to be enjoyed).

This process may not happen overnight and it will be hard to shake the mentality that is very deep rooted for many of us but strive to catch yourself when you are starting to feel that guilt, be patient and understanding with yourself, and TRUST the process!

You have tried reaching your goals with strict discipline and from a place of hate for your body and that hasn’t worked so it is time to try a new approach which stems from love and understanding for yourself, and working to rebuild a healthy relationship with food.

With so much love, 

Monica

MORE ON COACH MONICA!

 As Club Assistant General Manager, Group Coach, Personal Trainer AND a former gymnast and handstand queen, she loves to move and is always looking for the next fun new challenge to try!

She first discovered her passion for health and fitness after a major turning point in her life when she was diagnosed with cancer as a young adult. Prior to that she had struggled with losing weight, trying diet after diet, but it wasn't until her outlook on health changed that she saw so many positive changes in her life. After a full recovery she became dedicated to living the healthiest and most enjoyable life she could, and now has a vision to help other women do the same.   

Certifications

• CanFitPro Certified Personal Training Specialist

• DTS Fundamentals, Level 1

• Diploma in Health & Fitness Promotion from Humber College 

When fitness had failed me!

My “fitness” journey started 20 years ago when, like many of you, I joined a gym, because that seemed to be what the masses were doing.  

I was getting in some cardio on the elliptical when a male trainer approached me. He asked how it was going and commented that I would look amazing if I lost a few pounds and gained some muscle. WTF, right? I will never forget that day because that was the day that changed my life, and changed me. 

 With that small but mighty comment, so began a 20 year battle with fitness, food and my body. Who would have thought one little statement could hold so much power?  Not me.

In an industry so filled with beautiful possibilities it makes me sad to see how toxicity slips so easily into the culture. Whether it’s subtle like my experience or as extreme as an advertisement promising you an unbelievable 8 week transformation, it’s all equally damaging. If any of this resonates with you or brings up some big feelings, it’s ok.  Speaking from my experience and from my heart, there IS a better way to achieve a sustainable and healthy version of you while building an amazing, positive relationship with fitness, food and your body. 
 

I was perfectly, pleasantly……average

I would never have described my body as “skinny” or “big”.  I honestly just felt “average” and I was really okay with that.  Like every one of you, I sometimes would look in the mirror and think “my hips are big” or “my body looks funny”, but to be honest, it was always just a fleeting moment, the thoughts came in, and then left pretty quickly.
 

I hired that trainer

I ended up hiring that trainer, you know, the one who criticized my appearance by preying on female insecurities, great sales tactic, by the way. 

We worked out 3x a week with weights and I very quickly saw my body change. I was really enjoying weight training and my time in the gym.   The added bonus was that I was all of a sudden getting a lot of attention on my external appearance. My body had NEVER been praised like this, it was addictive and like any other addiction, I wanted more….I thought I needed more.

Both men and women, from people I knew to perfect strangers, all were pumping me up and It quickly became my driving force for exercise and ultimately fuelling my addiction.  

The muscle definition. The body.

ALL

THE

PRAISE

Was it actually possible that I was starting to look like those girls on the cover of fitness magazines? The fitness industry was feeding every single one of my insecurities, and it tasted so good. 

I was making the cut

I never actually noticed that with all of my hard work I was getting stronger. No one, including my trainer, seemed to take notice how strong I had become, or the fact that I could do a pull up, a freaking pull up!!  It was seemingly insignificant to the fact that my back looked so muscly, while doing those pull ups. No one commented on how strong my core was when doing those squats, rather, that coveted 6-pack seemed way more important. The world of fitness became, for me, all about what showed up on the exterior and nothing more. Sound familiar?

I started weighing myself daily for validation. I was addicted to the feedback I was getting from that square piece of metal on my bathroom floor.  It had so much power and would ultimately determine my mood for the day and week ahead and gave me the feedback of whether I was successful or not. What it didn’t tell me was how good I felt in my clothes or how much newly found energy I had and how absolutely great movement made me feel.  I had become so strong and none of that mattered and if that isn’t toxic and unhealthy, I don't know what is. 

A tiny little voice 

I was given 12 weeks to prepare for this competition which included weekly check - ins and weigh ins. I continued with my trainer 3x a week and was often asked if I was being good on my diet and if I was doing all my cardio.  

Sometimes I would tell the truth, often I would lie. The truth is,  I was burnt out and hurt all over. I hated every minute of my workouts. My midsection was often checked to ensure I was on point for that six pack. That fear was quite often enough to keep me strict as well the reality that my body was soon going to be judged on stage, in a bikini, against 30 other women. As if wearing a bikini to the beach isn't hard enough! My body image was destroyed, just like that. I didn’t even know what I was dealing with was considered “disordered”.

 I was so tired. 

I was exhausted. I was overtraining and starving most of the time. I developed horrible insomnia. My period stopped, but damn I “looked so good” so all of that was ok. I would complain to the trainers at the gym how tired I was and that I wasn't sleeping yet they kept encouraging me along, saying I was almost there and looking good. 

Competition day. 

Competition day arrived, I was 14 percent body fat, and 119 lbs. I was spray tanned, had my pink bejeweled bikini and those gawd awful clear glass heals you had to wear. My face looked awful, so depleted and so tired. None of that mattered because all the stage lighting and make up and curls would cover all of that up.   I was the perfect picture of beauty and strength that inspired other women. 
 

I was so nervous. 

I will never forget that day. I was so nervous. I vividly remember sizing up my competition and all I could think was “I don't measure up”, “they have more muscle than me”, “she's prettier than me”.  They were with their coaches practicing their stage walk and poses. Part of me felt disgusted and like I really didn’t belong there….but I had come so far…… 

 Who had the best ass?

 In preparation for this fitness “competition” I was told that a six pack was great, but the defining moment I really needed to be focused on was that moment you turn around and show the judges your ass. Here I was, 12 weeks of KILLING myself all came down to whether a panel of judges thought my “ass” was the best……

I placed 3rd among a lineup of 20 women. I was devastated but was eager for the feedback from the judges. They told me I needed to gain more muscle and lean out even more. I felt like such a failure I immediately became tempted to head down the road of steroids that I knew many were involved with. Thank god I somehow knew better....

Enter the addiction

I went on to repeat this cycle for 6 more years. In that time I competed in 6 more competitions, never walking away with a win. I appeared in fitness magazines and through all of this, continued to destroy my body, my mind and ultimately my relationship with fitness. My weight rebounded by nearly 20 lbs after each show and my self-hate grew stronger and stronger each time. I was full on in the binge/purge cycle and used exercise as my punishment. 

Where were “my” people?

During this entire time, in my fitness community, I didn’t have one single source of positive influence to help me see how destructive and damaging this was.  I was feeding a billion dollar industry exactly what they needed.   There weren't any of the fiercely dedicated body positive advocates I surround myself with today who would have kicked my ass and helped me see how toxic these habits and behaviors were.   I did, however, have one very special soul who was part of my personal life and provided that one constant voice, which for a long time I fought to listen to.  My incredible husband literally helped me turn this ship of insanity around.   He cared so deeply about my wellbeing and was relentlessly committed to helping me regain control. He's literally my world and was the reason I was able to find the strength and courage to rebuild myself. 

Not all bad. 

Despite the years of struggle and despair, I can’t say it was all bad. After all, it launched me into a career I’m so passionate about that is part of my DNA and always will be.   Although my intentions in the beginning were driven by the wrong reasons, it catapulted me into a never-ending pursuit of growth, learning and using the damage and heartache to fuel my passion and help others from making those same mistakes.   For a long time, I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my career in fitness and calling myself a “fitness professional”.  But today I only feel gratitude for the unconventional, less than ideal journey I took to get where I am because it made me so much smarter, and humble and gave me the focus I needed to create the space we have at MOVE.

 Any of this sound familiar? Aren’t you sick and tired of a woman's worth being judged by her physical appearance? Be it your own judgment or others?  It’s 2019. Enough of this ladies! 
 

My Team and I are here to actively and passionately be a part of the change and create a movement of warriors dedicated to changing the internal question from “how do I look” to “how do I feel?” In our opinion, far more important than how a woman's ass looks in an Instagram post, no? 

With Love, 

Kelly xo

MORE ON COACH and founder kelly!

Kelly Taphouse is a certified trainer with over 15 years experience in the fitness industry. After trying to achieve unsustainable levels of fitness as a competitive fitness model, Kelly became discouraged with an industry that is so often focused on outward appearances. After having a child, she rediscovered her passion for being fit and healthy. Kelly’s mission is to make women feel strong by helping them achieve their own fitness goals, from the inside out.

Certifications

• CanFitPro Certified Personal Training Specialist

• DTS Fundamentals, Level 1

• Certified Agatsu Kettle Bell Coach

• Certified Movement and Mobility Specialist - MWOD

• Agatsu Mobility Specialist

• Pre/Post Natal Fitness

• Poliquin Level 1

• TRX Suspension Training

• Certified Neuro-Linguistic Coach

• Certified Animal Flow Instructor

FOOD MINDSET - EAT TO LIVE OR LIVE TO EAT

Food Mindset: Live to Eat or Eat to Live?

By Monica Radu

It is no secret that our relationship with food is complex, confusing, and in many cases just outright frustrating. We are constantly being bombarded with mixed messages about it, whether it’s the newest trend of what to eat/what not to eat, another diet/cleanse/pill, or “tips and tricks” to curb hunger. So much exposure to all of this has left us struggling to find a healthy relationship with food and has taken away our ability to trust the natural cues that our bodies give us.

So how do we work to change this and get back to a more intuitive style of eating which will make us feel our best? 
 

It first starts with taking a closer look at your relationship with food. Do you live to eat or eat to live? Before picking one option, consider that these are two opposite ends on a spectrum. We all eat to live to a certain extent – of course we consume food in order to function and carry on through our day to day lives but the more extreme side of this is the idea that food is nothing but fuel and nourishment. There is no room for pleasure and satisfaction here.  
 

On the other end of the spectrum is living to eat. This is a mindset where food is a central focus in your life. Every day activities revolve around your eating whether that means you are constantly thinking about your next meal or relying heavily on food for comfort and pleasure.  
 

I can say from experience that neither one of these extremes are ideal. 
 

I have taken on the mindset that food is to be eaten purely for its nutritional value. I repeated this mantra over and over again in an attempt to establish control over my body and behaviors. All this did was lead me to become obsessive, rigid, and unsatisfied. It filled me with shame and guilt whenever I would deviate from this strict clean diet that I believed was best for me. 
 

The reality is that food is NOT just fuel. We are not just cars that need gas, we are human beings with far more complex needs and emotions. 

It is a source of pleasure and comfort and there is nothing wrong with that. Food is a big part of so many cultures and it is something that brings people together. There should be no shame in enjoying it! There is a difference between enjoying food and being overly reliant on it to bring you comfort/pleasure. This brings us back to the importance of finding balance on this spectrum. When we are in the state of using food as a coping mechanism, it is a signal that we are missing something else.
 

 The problem is that we have lost trust in our body’s ability to guide us on how to eat because we have spent so much time trying to fight against it. We have become afraid to allow ourselves to enjoy food because we spend so much time restricting that when we allow ourselves freedom, we are doing it from a place of deprivation and restriction so of course we are far more likely to overindulge. Once we overindulge, we end up back on the guilt train which then sends us straight back to the “I need to diet” mindset and then it all starts again. See a pattern? 
 

Many of you are probably thinking exactly what I thought when I first heard this. “If I let myself eat whatever I want, I’ll eat everything!” 
 

The reality is that if you have been restricting and dieting for a long time, there will be times where you lose control on the road to reconnecting with your body’s needs. For so long you have been telling your body that it can’t eat that, but has to eat this and we all know what happens when you say you can’t have something… you want it more! 
 

It will take some unlearning and a lot of trust in the process so the best thing you can do is be patient with yourself. 
 

It takes a lot of conscious effort to stop listening to that voice in your head that says you need to exercise to make up for that meal or eat less to compensate for eating too much. Part of finding that balance is allowing your body to go through that rebound phase after restricting and trusting that you will soon settle into a more balanced place where you can make food choices without fear and from a place where you know you will be nourished and also satisfied. 
 

Food is such a big part of our lives and it should be enjoyed and bring you some satisfaction. It should also be a way to fuel your body to allow it to perform at its best. Enjoying the food you eat and eating nourishing foods are not mutually exclusive. The sooner we align with this idea, the sooner we can make peace with food and ourselves.

MORE ON COACH MONICA!

 As Club Assistant General Manager, Group Coach, Personal Trainer AND a former gymnast and handstand queen, she loves to move and is always looking for the next fun new challenge to try!

She first discovered her passion for health and fitness after a major turning point in her life when she was diagnosed with cancer as a young adult. Prior to that she had struggled with losing weight, trying diet after diet, but it wasn't until her outlook on health changed that she saw so many positive changes in her life. After a full recovery she became dedicated to living the healthiest and most enjoyable life she could, and now has a vision to help other women do the same.   

Certifications

• CanFitPro Certified Personal Training Specialist

• DTS Fundamentals, Level 1

• Diploma in Health & Fitness Promotion from Humber College 

I always focused on the “what” and never the “how”

One of my biggest habits that I have been working on doing far less is eating while watching TV.

For years I developed this routine and came to realized that this was my way of seeking the ultimate temporary numbness and soothing comfort and hey, it worked very well in that way but came at a price.

For that brief period of time, I was blissfully unaware and immersed in all of the stimuli from the TV and the food (hello dopamine)… Until I finished what I was eating and never felt satisfied or like I even experienced it at all.

Every night I’d find myself going back to the kitchen with that unsatisfied feeling, and not being aware of the cycle I was in, I’d literally keep repeating the same thing. Fast forward to the next day I’d beat myself up for it and feel like there was something wrong with me. Sounds familiar?

Why did I never feel satisfied? Why was I struggling with overeating and what seemed like a lack of discipline? Why did I always feel like I had to go back for more?  

These feelings & patterns became a reoccurring part of my life and there were very few occasions where I wasn’t distracted while eating in one way or another, whether it was TV, my phone, doing work at the same time, or any of the other million things that can be going on day to day.

I began to feel more out of control around food, more unaware of what I was actually eating day to day, and regularly felt discomfort after meals (+ issues with my digestion).

 So what did I do? I made a difference choice one day

I sat down at the table, put away distractions, and truly experienced the food on my plate. I noticed if I was eating really fast and practiced small things like putting my fork down between bites, properly chewing my food… I noticed different tastes & textures, and I noticed when I actually started to feel full.

I had always dismissed the importance of all of this in the past. I wanted to believe that if I just focused on what I ate and had good discipline and willpower then the rest didn’t matter, but boy was I wrong. I was ignoring all of the signs that were screaming at me saying otherwise and I soon realized how I’d missed a major piece of the puzzle.

 After practicing this a few times, I noticed…

1.     I either felt satisfied and didn’t want to eat any more after that OR I noticed I was truly still hungry and had no problem going to eat something more in the same manner

2.     It took me a good chunk of time to finish the meal (10-15 minutes vs. 5 minutes) which allowed me to gauge my fullness and eat an amount that left me feeling good afterwards

3.     I actually experienced less bloating and discomfort than I previously would sometimes feel in the few hours after eating

So without changing at all the food I was eating, the difference was pretty mind-blowing!

Not only was I feeling better after a meal in terms of satiation and enjoying the food, but there are also so many benefits for our health, nutrition, & digestion by putting this into practice.

 1. We Make Better Food Choices

When we are more mindful and self-aware, we are far more likely to make better food choices, eat when we’re hungry, stop when we’ve had enough, and build a healthier relationship with food in general.

2. We Chew More/Better & Encourage Proper Digestion

Chewing your food properly is SO important and likely something that is neglected when we are rushing or distracted.

Think about how much harder the rest of your digestive system has to work if you don’t chew properly to start that mechanical breakdown (which leads to a less complete chemical breakdown in the body)?

When we start our digestion of food/nutrients in a poor manner, we can expect that this will create problems downstream and place a heavy burden on our digestive system. We may struggle with absorbing nutrients properly (due to the improper breakdown of foods), experience discomfort, upset stomach, fatigue & other mental symptoms, poor gut health, and so much more (I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to support our digestive system).

Let’s Get Realistic – What Can You Do?

With all of that said, does this mean I’m going to do that at every single meal? Probably not, BUT just having brought awareness to that made a BIG difference as a start.

Now on those occasions where I know I am more distracted while eating (because yes, that is going to happen and we don’t need to go to the extreme of trying to eliminate that 100% of the time). I can at least make a conscious effort to slow down and be present as much as I can rather than completely check out for those few minutes. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing behaviour.

I am a strong believer that it is what you do MOST of the time that matters and that is the approach I take with this.

When we have kids to care for, jobs to manage, and a long list of daily “to do’s” it can feel hard to take that time for ourselves.

Start small. Make it 1 meal per day or a few per week where you try this. You may find it easier to build it into a more regular habit and we owe it to ourselves to have that time where WE are a priority.

Self Check-In

More often than not, do you…

-       Eat on the go, while doing work, or distracted in any way

-       Grab food out of the fridge or cupboards and eat standing up (usually eating right from a package)

-       Eat really fast 

-       Eat when you aren’t really hungry and feel poorly about the decision later

-       Experience discomfort after meals (gas, bloating, irregular bowel movements, etc.) 

Top Tips:

- have an open mind. If this is very new for you (as it was for me) then this may feel very strange at first but it’s a very worthwhile exercise to practice

- sit down to eat

- put away electronics & distractions

- chew each bite 20-30 times (I know this feels hard at first but just give it a chance)

- focus on the taste, textures, and how you are feeling as you eat

- put your fork down between bites (I am an offender of already preparing the next bite on my fork before I even have a chance to swallow what’s in my mouth so this one really helped me!)

- notice how you feel afterwards